One Month Down, Four More Years to Go

My Work is Mine, Oh Mine

After the first month, I am starting to familiarize myself with my lab group and my project. I finally feel like I'm caught up enough on all the work that has been done to suggest new directions for this project. Getting caught up was a hard and long process. I've been consistently reading papers relevant to my work and finding a million and one gaps in my engineering knowledge. Every engineering school is different and there are some technical skills that I didn't get in undergrad that I'm teaching. myself now. It's exciting because I'm here to learn and I can feel myself learning. It's terrifying because I'm not sure if I'll ever know enough to feel solidified in my skills as an engineer and I'm unsure of when I should shift from a learner absorbing every skill to a research that picks up new skills as necessary.

I'm also learning what ownership looks like in research. I'm used to ownership in the industry and delivering parts, designs, and design requirements from start to finish. However, research is a different beast because the start and finish lines are completely determined by the researcher. Even though this knowledge has the potential to improve the world, it does not have strict requirements or deadlines like industry work. If I decide to stop my project where it is today, it will stop and no one will force me to keep it going. That's terrifying and I'm hoping that in the coming years, I'll be able to define research initiatives (the background information needed, the requirements, the objectives, and the completion metrics) from beginning to end.

Stay at Home, Kids

I've been learning a lot about wellness while I've been in my first month of this PhD. After discussing with the PhDs in higher years (third year, fourth year, and fifth year), I've figured out how important it is to take time for yourself. Everyone, including those advising me, has suggested that I maintain a "work-life balance." The concept of a work-life balance is thrown around so much and it almost has no meaning. It feels impossible to make progress, make changes, and even make a living while having a balance between your aspirations and your peace. I brought this up and was told that it starts with taking back your schedule.

All the PhDs and faculty that I've talked to are making strides in their work and maintaining their happiness work strictly on a 9-5 schedule. They don't schedule meetings outside of that time. They don't often send emails out of that time. They don't do work outside of that time.

I've even been told to avoid the office on the weekends. I tried to show up on a weekend to do some work and found the entire workspace empty. As I was working, I realized there was no benefit to doing this right then. I like to be prepared and err on the side of over-preparedness, but I have my time managed so well that I could easily complete the work I wanted to do during the week. So I packed up and went home.

Gym Baddie Diaries

Another key lesson I'm learning is spending time taking care of your body. I meal prep and make sure that I get the food that I need. I take time for my hair, skin, and body even if it means putting down work. The area I had been struggling with was physical activity. Because my schedule is so packed, it was hard to schedule time for walks or the gym. I have a series of workouts that I like to do but finding a convenient time during the day was a struggle. Fortunately for me, the PhDs I work with love to advise. They all said that (1) they either work out directly before they start their day or directly after they end their day and (2) they often go to gym classes so the time is scheduled and they don't have to plan out a full workout. These tips aren't revolutionary, but I realized that I was obsessing over controlling my workouts and that I was scared to let someone direct me in the gym. Anyone who has consistently gone to the gym knows that no one is checking for anyone. Still, it feels embarrassing to use new equipment or to go up in weights and struggle. I was controlling my workouts so much because I was scared to be embarrassed. I decided that the fear of embarrassment wasn't worth losing my health so I tried out a gym class. Luckily, I'm new to this place so there was no one to be embarrassed by and we were all so focused on the class that no one was concerning themselves with anyone else. It was also so satisfying to let go of control while I was working out: I turned off my brain and let the instructor guide us. It felt great to let my body move again and after a short hour, I was done for the day.

There's a lot that I have to learn. I'm scared and excited for the next few years of my life, but at least I'm one month down!